As I try to ease into my new work/life routine, I honestly feel like I have a split personality.
Here is what happens on a rotating cycle:
6:00 AM Wake up
6:00-8:30 AM Feed babies, clothe babies, give medicine, play, feed solids
8:30AM Race to work!
9:00AM-5:00PM Produce theatre, answer emails, raise money, deal with problems, etc.
5:00PM Race home!
5:30PM-7:00PM Play with babies, give medicine, give baths, put on PJs, feed babies
6:00 AM Wake up
6:30AM Race to work!
7:00AM-4:00PM Produce theatre, answer emails, raise money, deal with problems, etc.
4:00PM Race home!
4:30PM-7:00PM Play with babies, give medicine, give baths, put on PJs, feed babies
I am used to full days. I’ve spent years booking myself solid from morning until night, starting work early, ending work late. But so far this is the most exhausting schedule yet. I think it’s because both of my jobs require an intense focus and both of them now have pressure in a way that they didn’t before.
In the B.C. era (before children), I was very focused at work. But if something was taking a bit longer, I used to stay a little bit late, or catch the next subway, or go back to my emails later on in the evening. But now, I’m on a very specific schedule. I MUST get home to relieve the nanny. And I MUST get to sleep early as the children will wake up at 6AM no matter what. My time is no longer my own; Boy does that create a lot of pressure! Watching the clock approach the end of day is now sort of like those scenes in a movie where someone is watching the countdown on a bomb – you know it is going to blow and there is nothing you can do about it.
In the era of parental leave, I had an abundance of time with the kids. So if my mind wondered, or I needed some downtime, there was always a bouncy chair to put them to keep them amused for a while. But now, with just a few hours to spend with them each day, I want to make the most of all of it. They also happen to be the most hectic hours of their daily routine – their wake-up (which involves a lot of logistics) and their bedtime (which involves a lot of logistics). Thus, waking up and/or arriving home at the end of the day now feels a bit like being shot out of a cannon. There is A LOT to do.
I’m not complaining – I’m very happy in both of these two very separate worlds. But I kind of wish there were two extra hours each day between work and babies to decompress and build in some nap time. If you see me nodding off in the audience of a show anytime in the near future, know that it’s likely not a reflection of the performance and more of a reflection of my first moments in the dark in many an hour!